Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i out mim tonsoeep
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