I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
