iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
