Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he shaved USA in his pubs
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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