I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
