so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
