I feel like abortions should bother me more
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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