What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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