So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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