This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
