got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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