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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
