How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
