She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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