so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Shame - the story of my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
