it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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