imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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