I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize