last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
