Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
