don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
