Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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