nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
