Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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