you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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