9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
