Well apparently he's into motor boating.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
