How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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