Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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