I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
