I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
