I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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