there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
