your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
