My friends, they love my intelligence
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
