my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
