the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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