People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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