She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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