I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
