i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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