You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
