I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
