Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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