just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
