She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
