i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
