12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
