What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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