Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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