she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
