that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
