I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
