So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
