He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
