The maid of honor just puked.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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